Santa Claus
by Ice Drop
Summary: Bobby tries to convince Hank, Jean and Remy that Santa Claus is a mutant. Sillyfic :)


Disclaimer: Xmen not mine. *sigh* Jean not mine *sulks* Hank not mine *pouts* Remy not mine *whimper* Bobby MINE! ...fine... *cries* Bobby not mine either.  
  
Archive: ask permission please :)  
Email: meekerz@hotmail.com  
Webbie: http://meekerz.keenspace.com  
Finished: March 29, 2002  
Editted: April 10, 2002 -- Corrected some typos, fixed accents, etc.   
  
  
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SANTA CLAUS  
by Ice Drop  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hey Blue?"   
  
It was Christmas time once again, and Bobby Drake had designated himself The Christmas Tree   
Decorator of the year. He was perched on top of a stool that looked as if it would tip over   
any second, but he didn't mind -- he was putting up cute little plastic blue and silver   
snowflakes on. He thought making the real stuff to hang, but he'd hate to have to clean up   
when they melted. Jean was such a stickler for cleaning up, especially round the holidays.  
  
"Yes Bobby?"   
  
Hank looked up from the tiny spot he was seated on the floor. The only spot where wires and  
wires of Christmas lights weren't wound or tangled up. Being the resident genius, he had been  
assigned to fix the technical side of Christmas decorating. That and Bobby begged and whined  
and moaned for hours in his lab til he finally sighed and agreed.  
  
"Think anybody else knows Santa's a mutant?"  
  
The Beast, never at a loss of words --til now, blinked.  
  
"A mutant?" he echoed.  
  
"Yep!" The ever cool Iceman jumped down from the stool and admired his creation. After a  
thorough head to foot inspection, he wrinkled his nose and jumped back up to cover some bare  
spots that he missed.  
  
And promptly fell on his butt.  
  
"Oooowwwww!" Bobby rubbed his butt and pouted. He made a booboo, and had to cover this act  
of embrrassment with an act of cuteness. Nevermind that only Hank was there.   
  
"Are you alright Robert?"  
  
"Ow, yep. ow." He was still rubbing his butt.  
  
Still not having looked up from untangling the oh so long lights that he'd have to put up around  
the mansion Hank muttered something that sounded like okay.  
  
"So? Hank? What do you think?"  
  
"Bobby, you have not yet finished decorating this tree. Might you want to wait until you have  
accomplished setting up everything before you ask me what I think of it?"  
  
Bobby rolled his eyes. "I wasn't talking about the tree. I was talking about Santa."  
  
Hank finally looked up. "Bobby... There's something I should tell you." He dropped the lights  
he was holding and scooted over to face his best friend. Putting on his straight-serious-talk  
face, he stretched out his right arm til his big furry hand was resting on Bobby's shoulder.   
  
"Santa... well, he's not r--"  
  
"Yes he is!!! He's a mutant!!!" Bobby looked at his genius-doctor-best-friend with big,  
incredulous eyes. "How can you say he's not???"  
  
"Robert my dear friend, I was about to say, before you had interrupted me, that Santa, well,  
he's not--"  
  
"Hank!!!" Bobby almost shouted. "Santa IS a mutant!"  
  
"Robert, please, San--"  
  
Bobby waved away Hank's hand and stood up. He turned towards his tree, his beautiful, almost  
finished tree, and sighed softly.  
  
"It's good y'know that the rest of the world loves the jolly 'ol guy and stuff. I mean, I love  
Santa too. Loved him ever since he brought me a cute little polar bear stuffed toy when I was  
two." His eyes softened. "But--"  
  
"What dis Gambit hear bout a cute liddle bear?"  
  
Bobby turned around, almost icing up, a reflex when he gets caught off-guard, and narrowed his  
eyes at Remy. "Wha-- ah, nothing Gambit. I didn't hear you."  
  
"Course not mon ami. Gambit not a good t'if ih he let everyone hear him, non?" Remy smiled at  
him and seated himself gracefully at the couch. "So, what dis about de cute bear?"  
  
"Erm, nothing. Really." Bobby bit his lip and turned back to his tree.  
  
"My good friend Bobby was just explaining to me about his fascination for the jolly ol man in  
the red suit." Hank explained.  
  
"Ah. Popsicle has a ting for Santa?" Remy's lip twitched.  
  
"No!" Bobby turned back around. "I was telling Blue here how come everyone in the world  
accepts Santa!"  
  
One of Remy's eyebrows rose.  
  
"Y'know, with him being a mutant and all."  
  
Remy choked back a laugh. "A mutant?"  
  
Bobby nodded. "Yes. A mutant. Like us." He faced Hank. "Why is that so hard to understand?  
We're mutants. We have cool powers. So does Santa!"  
  
"Bobby, it's not that we're not accepting Santa coz he's a mutant. It's that he's not--"  
  
An exasperated sigh. "Le Beau, help me out here. Explain to the genius here that Santa is  
indeed a mutant."  
  
"Eh... Gambit not so sure he understands entirely what you be sayin' Cube..."  
  
"What?!" Bobby exclaimed incredulously. Then he looked at Remy and brightened. "Ah, I get it.  
You don't get that Santa stuff coz you're bad!"  
  
"Gambit not bad!" Remy huffed.  
  
"Yes you are!"  
  
"Em not!"  
  
"You're a thief!"  
  
"But em a good t'if!"  
  
"There's a good thief?  
  
"Oui."  
  
"Oh. Well... I guess. And you're an X-man and all."  
  
"What does being an X-man have to do with Santa Claus?" Hank interjected.  
  
Bobby looked over at Hank and gave him a Look. "We save the world!!!"  
  
Hank blinked again. "Do continue."  
  
"We're X-men! We save the world and stuff. That makes us good guys. And good guys make it to  
the list of Santa. Bad guys don't."  
  
"Oh." Hank glanced over at Remy who seemed to be looking at Bobby with an expression of either  
trying to hold in laughter really bad, or one of extreme incredulousness.  
  
"Santa is a good mutant!" Bobby actually beamed while announcing the statement.  
  
Hank didn't even try to refute the statement.   
  
"How is dis Santa a good mutie?"  
  
Bobby sighed the type of sigh that a tired exasperated adult does when an annoying kid asks an  
obvious question. "Coz he uses his powers for good."  
  
"Powers?"  
  
Bobby transferered the Look to Remy. "How do you think he flies around the world in one night?"  
  
"Who flies around the world in one night?" Jean asked from the doorway. She was holding a  
pitcher of iced tea in one hand, and telekenetically balancing four on the other.  
  
"Santa!" Bobby answered.  
  
Jean smiled and placed down the things on the coffee table beside Remy. She poured the tea in  
the glasses and offered one to Remy.  
  
"Merci." He smiled his charming smile at Jean.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
She leaned towards Hank and handed him a glass, which earned him a thankful smile. She was  
about the other one to Bobby when Remy asked innocently, "Jeannie, did you know dat Santa is a  
mutie?"   
  
Jean Grey-Summers, calm and composed, dropped the glass, and was thankfully able to retrieve it  
without spilling with her powers an inch before hitting the floor. "Santa is a mutant?" she  
repeated.  
  
"Dat's what Popsicle's been sayin'"  
  
"Bobby?"  
  
Bobby looked at Jean. He gave her the Look. "Yes, Santa is a mutant. Am I the only one who  
is able to realize that?"  
  
Jean bit back a smile. "Apparently."  
  
"Jean, do I have to put up those glass ball things? Coz we use them every year! I can make  
really cool ice balls!" Bobby gave her one of his best smiles.  
  
"Sure, go ahead. It's your tree this year. But if they melt, you clean up, k?"  
  
Bobby sighed. "Fine. Glass balls it is." He proceeded to rummage the box beside the tree to  
look for the said decor.  
  
"Bobby? What's this thing about Santa being a mutant?"   
  
He answered while his head was still in the box resulting to a bit of a muffled answer. "Santa's  
a good mutant! So if Scott doesn't know yet, seeing how the three of you don't know, please  
don't tell him coz I don't wanna go on a mission against Santa Claus. He might scratch me off  
his list."   
  
He paused for a second and continued. "And I don't think we should let the Professor know  
either, coz he might recruit Santa into the X-men. Santa's real powerful, but I just don't think  
he'll do the spandex thing."  
  
"Right." Jean glanced at Hank and Remy. Both avoided her eyes, knowing that if their gazes met,  
they'd ending up laughing and hurting poor Bobby's feelings. And it seemed that he was pretty  
serious about this. "Run by me how powerful Santa is. I promise not to tell Scott or the  
Professor."  
  
Bobby got up from the box and pushed away the wires from beside Hank and plopped himself on the  
floor. "Promise?"  
  
"I promise." Jean sat beside Remy and smiled at Bobby.  
  
"Hank, Le Beau, you two too."  
  
"I promise Robert."  
  
"Oui. Gambit too."  
  
Bobby counted with his fingers, first tapping his pinky. "Obviously, Santa has some sorta  
inhuman speed thing. Heck, he's got to be faster than Warren."  
  
"I thought he had reindeers?"  
  
"Oh right. um." Bobby actually looked stumped. "Maybe his reindeers have powers too. Kinda  
like, um, I don't know."  
  
"Den Santa don' have super speed? But his deers do?"  
  
Boby nodded a bit sadly. Off goes his first point. He totally forgot bout the reindeer bit.   
Ah well. He tapped his pinky finger again. "He has to have some sorta phasing power like Kitty,  
or maybe he could *BAMF* like Kurt."  
  
Hank poked him from the side. "Explain that please."  
  
"He can't fit through chimneys! So he probably parks his reindeers on the roof, then go through  
the chimney somehow. And seeing how some houses don't have chimneys, he'd have to pass through  
the roof!"  
  
"Mebbe he a master t'if?"  
  
"Nah. I think he BAMFs like Kurt."  
  
"Why can't he just BAMF through all the houses then, without having to use the reindeers?"  
  
"Okay, he probably phases then!"  
  
"Can he do that fast enough to cover all the houses?"  
  
Bobby brightened. "He'd have to have super speed then! And he uses reindeers as his ride so he  
doesn't have to fly or anything so he won't tire easily! I knew it!"  
  
Hank, Jean and Remy nodded their heads politely.   
  
He tapped his middle finger. "Third, he has got to have some eating ability."  
  
"Eatin' abil'ty?" Remy repeated.  
  
Bobby nodded seriously. "I have a nice appetite, Blue too, and we can only eat hmmm... half box  
of Twinkies in one sitting. Santa eats the cookies we leave for him, plus the milk. That is a  
LOT of cookies for one night."  
  
"Mebbe he giv' dem to de deer?"  
  
A semi acceptable answer. "But that's still a lot! So he and his reindeer probably has some  
sorta digestive eating power!"   
  
"Why's he fat, erm, big then?" Jean asked.  
  
"I said eating power Jean, not super metabolism."  
  
"Oh right."  
  
"Fourth. That sack of goodies. Definitely alien technology. Kinda how we have Shi'ar stuff,  
Santa probably has access to some other fancy tech stuff so the sack will have the toys he  
needs."  
  
"But I thought that he employed helpers in his factory to make the toys?"  
  
"Hank you're jumping ahead. That's point five." He mock scolwed at his best friend. "But  
anyway, yeah he has elves at the North Pole to make toys and goodies all year round. Through  
that cool Shi'ar type of technology, the toys get teleported to the sack when Santa needs them!  
Oh, and point five is Santa being able to stay in the North Pole. Cool! He's like me! Maybe   
not the icing part bit, but being able to stand the cold!" Bobby stood up and gulped down the  
iced tea that Jean had placed on the table. Man, all this explaining was making him thirsty.  
  
"What is point six?" Remy asked.  
  
Bobby made some kind of gesture to wait while he was still drinking his iced tea. "Ahh, that   
was good Jean." He returned to the box, remembering that he had not yet finished his mission  
looking for those glass balls. "There they are!" He stood the stool up, jumped up. "Point six  
could be a non-mutant thing." He hung up a blue ball. "Can I go for just blue and silver this  
year?"  
  
"It's your tree Bobby."  
  
"Oh right. Anyway, I think he has super intelligence, or a really really good sense of  
direction. He knows all the good kids and where they live!" He hung up a silver ball.  
  
"I t'ot he has a lis'?"  
  
Bobby glanced critically at a red ball that somehow made its way to his hand. No way red was  
coming near his tree. "The list is for the names. It doesn't include the addresses. So  
everything must be up here." He pointed at his head. "And, he knows where everyone is, maybe  
that's coz he does this every year, but that sure is one good sense of direction. Scott could  
use some of that." He grinned slyly at Jean.   
  
"Scott's sense of direction isn't that bad."  
  
"Sure petite." Remy grinned too.  
  
Jean ignored him. "So Santa has super speed, super reindeers, phasing and eating abilities,  
access to advanced alien technology, lots of helper elves, and invulnreability to cold, and a  
great sense of direction." She looked at Bobby. "Sounds like a super mutant. Why isn't he  
trying to take over the world?"  
  
Bobby glared at Jean. "Would you like to go against him if he tried?"  
  
At least she had the decency to look a little abashed. "Sorry."  
  
"Besides, he's a good guy." Bobby smiled. "Like us! All he wants is world peace and for  
everyone to be happy. That's why he's giving the good kids presents!"   
  
"Is that all he can do?" Hank asked bordering a bit on the sarcastic side.  
  
Sarcasm was lost on Bobby. "Oh, I forgot the last most important thing." Bobby held up a bright  
star that was to be placed on top of the tree. He wasn't gonna put it up yet. That was one of  
the special occassions when all of the X-men had to be in a room, all quiet and peaceful and  
enjoying the Christmas spirit. He put the star aside.  
  
"Santa's a telepath. More powerful than the Professor."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"And how do you know this?"  
  
"Coz nobody else in the world seems to knows that Santa is a mutant." He looked at them matter-  
of-factly. "How do you explain that Santa has all these powers and the world knows about them  
and yet loves him? And they can't even stand us? And I'm the only one who was able to slip  
through his telepathic control and realize it. Maybe coz Santa knows it won't make a difference  
to me, or to us, if he's human or mutant."  
  
"And therefore Santa Clause is a mutant?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
A bright ray of sunshine entered the room. Bobby frowned. Christmas was supposed to be cold   
and snowy, not sunny and warm. He'll have to do something about that. With Ororo's help, the  
two of them should be able to have at least the Xavier premises snowy and cold and picture  
perfect for Christmas.  
  
"Hey, where's "Ro?"  
  
"I think I saw her in her green house before I came here." Jean answered.  
  
"Great. I gotta talk to her." Momentarily forgetting about his tree, Bobby jumped down and  
proceeded to go find Storm for quest for a white Christmas.  
  
Hank, Jean and Remy stared at the back of Bobby, was he skipping?!, happily out.  
  
"Why didn't you tell him the truth Hank?" Jean asked softly.  
  
"I was about to, but when he started with his Santa is a Mutant campaign, he was so convinced   
and whole hearted about it, i did not have the heart to tell him" Beast answered just as softly.  
  
Jean picked up the empty pitcher and glasses and headed towards the kitchen. A blue hand rested  
on her shoulder and stopped her.   
  
"Jean?"  
  
"Yes Hank?"  
  
"I was wondering if you can maybe be able to take a somewhat small glance inside Bobby's head?  
So we may be able to know what he desires for Christmas?"  
  
"Sure Hank." She smiled.  
  
"Thank you Jean. And Remy?"  
  
"Oui?"  
  
"Just in case we can't afford it, um... well..."  
  
Remy grinned. "D'accord."  
  
  
  
--end-- 


End file.
